Well it's official.....I am divorced. I feel very numb. I can't decide if I want to cry or ...... I don't know what? I can't believe that on October 3rd we would have been married 15 years. That's a long time. There's a song I heard the other day, some of the lyrics are i would die for you....that's how i felt about him. I would have died for him, given him anything, done anything for him. Sometimes the pain is raw, like an open wound. You never know when something is gonna rip it open again and bring up old pain. I can replay conversations in my head, things we said or didn't say. I question myself. I think of how I begged him to stay. I think of the lies, the things that we said. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I pray for my children. I pray they don't go through this. I pray I can overcome this and move on.
I search for my smile, for my happiness. I try, oh how I try....but tonight the tears just want to fall.
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